My Testimony
~ Shy ~


I was supposedly raised in a Christian home, by that I mean,
if you call hypocrites Christians. As a child I knew no
better, and was made to go to church when the doors opened.
It was the only safe place that I ever went as a child with
any regularity, except to visit with my grandparents, aunts,
uncles and cousins. My father was a very laid back
seemingly kind man, who had a big dark secret that he kept
to himself all of his life. My mother made no secret of how
abusive she could be, verbally, emotionally and physically.

So in my mind I thought that was how Christians lived,
although I often wondered why we were different from
other families. I am next to the baby in a family of seven
siblings, and my sister being the very oldest
(eleven years my senior) has turned out to be my closest
and dearest family member,

I went through 13 years of school, a very shy, withdrawn
and anxious child. By the time I graduated from school, I
had already made plans to run away and marry a boy that
I knew through church and also school. I believe I left
home more out of necessity than love. All of my siblings
left home as soon as they could, either
by getting married, or moving away to work, or going
into the military.

This is very hard for me to talk about, it seems so long
ago now. I have spent my entire adult life in therapy and
on medications for PTSD, chronic depression, anxiety
panic disorder, and now along with that, I have diabetes,
and Fibromylagia which has a whole long list of syndromes
attached to it. besides my immediate family that I
have now.

I went through two failed marriages, suicide attempts,
hospital stays and lots of money paying for treatment,
and finally on disability in l991. I would attend church
because I thought it was the right and accepted thing
to do......that would last for a while, and then I would do
everything sinful you can imagine for periods of years.

At age 51, I had been divorced twice and I had been
agoraphobic for a little over 2 years, and never left
my home but to go see my doctors. I would not even
venture outside in my yard for a walk or retrieve my
mail. I was a prisoner in my own home and body....
and in my mind.

I had run from God, and there were times that HE would
make HIMSELF so evident in my life, as HE looked
after me as a child, and kept me from death, when that
was what I had chosen for myself. He was always there,
all the time, every time, even though I would turn away,
He never did.

So there I was at 51, tired, sick, and scared of running.
I was invited to attend a gospel concert at my brother's
church, and music has always been my passion, so I went.
The most beautiful voices blended together by four
anointed, spirit filled women, that I had ever heard in
my entire life.

It was what I thought a taste of Heaven must be. I was
under so much conviction that I could not sit still, and I
cried with every song that was sung. After the service,
I made a point to go thank them for such a blessing and
to never stop singing, because that is what God
wanted them to do.

......and to this day, they are still singing together,
"Servant's Heart",
that is what they call themselves. How wonderful they can sing.
As I drove home that night, I still had this stirring feeling
inside me like butterflies flitting around, and I knew exactly
what it was, but I felt so unworthy, why would God forgive
me for all I had done? That was what I was thinking.

By chance.....yeah, right.....It was ordained.....the same
church began revival that Sunday night. I did not attend
the first service, but the day of the second service was the
longest day of my entire life. Finally, it was time to go, I
know I had changed clothes a half dozen times.....

and why did I think God would be checking out my outfit?
The service started on time, the hymns were sung, the prayers
were prayed, the offering was taken, and finally the
evangelist got up to speak.

I could not tell you what he spoke on, or even if it was from
the old or new testaments, all I knew, was that I wanted him
to give the altar call, and for everyone to start singing,

and finally they did, and I don't remember my flight to
the altar, but I do remember crying out,
"Dear Jesus, Forgive ME",
and my brother and sister-in-law kneeling behind me with
their hands on my shoulder.

So there you have it, on October 5, 2000, I gave my all,
every fiber of my being to Jesus and promised Him to live
for Him and to stay close and follow wherever He leads me.
That is what I have tried my very best to do.......

I immediately after getting home that night, called everyone
I could think of to tell them my

GREAT NEWS........

and what great news it was. The following Sunday morning
I faced the congregation of that church and joined in
fellowship with them as a member and that evening service,
I was baptized by submersion and came up out of that water
Praising God.

He will do for you in your life what you allow Him to do,
I lived a long time before I realized that.

Life is too short to waste it living in sin without the Lord......

It took me a long time, a rough road, but not a lonely road,
because He was always there, waiting for me to grasp hold
of HIS hand.

So, if you are reading this, and you have been wandering,
aimlessly through life like I did, follow the link at the
bottom of this page, and you will find out how to make
a NEW life for yourself!!

© Shy


Scripture: John 3: 3

Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily,
I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he
cannot see the kingdom of God.

To learn how to be born again click



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